The hidden ‘GANDU’

I know most of you would have clicked this inveigled by ‘G’ word and wondering what’s wrong with this female! Well there is something surely wrong ...not with me but with us and it is this wrong that doesn’t allow us to experience liberation in its true spirit. Well those who are bored by the idea are free to leave the note/blog here itself and those who stay shall be ready for understanding a movie that rattles not just the brain but the inner self.
I am talking about a movie not considered worth releasing in the India despite winning several accolades globally as an Indian entry. I am talking of a movie despite being black and white shows a shade of life which many of us must be facing but fail to recognise. I am talking of a movie whose title itself can fuel controversy in a nation like India. I am talking of a movie which most of us face in our daily lives but would fail to understand forget associating with. I am talking of Gandu- The Loser a movie directed by Q. Yes it’s just Q (question) with no A (answer). The movie is something that Bollywood can never offer well to put it straight it would never be allowed to offer one. Reality is inversely proportion to popularity and the biggies are mugged it up without a flaw. But, still there are a few who break the norms of convention and bring what is often tagged as ‘experimental cinema’. But sadly the experiment fizzles out as soon as it enters a global contest. Gandu as a movie promises to take Indian cinema to not just next level but levels much higher than that. It’s a movie that hits you right on your face and still leaves you wondering what was it! Honestly speaking this movie needs several readings and re-readings before one can associate with it. Well most of us cannot even associated with it as it talks of real people, desperate people, poor people living lives completely within themselves and dreaming of coming out of the ghetto. But, surely this is one that would not leave your mind so easily.
Gandu, the title character, represents the subculture that consists of people who live in world surrounded by insecurities and hatred, poverty and illusion. His life like ours is routinised but his routine activities are different: breakfast with mother, wait for his mother and her boyfriend to start their lust driven business so that he can steal just half the amount daily from her boyfriend's wallet and use the income to gamble daily, visit Internet cafe and watch other engage in web chat, return home to lather his frustration, rinse and repeat. But, Gandu as per his name is unable to do anything apart from seething. The only respite for him is his rap- the rapid words with which he dreams of making it big someday and ‘make world the balloon and himself the Prick’. But despite being highly talented there is no one in his society who reckons it.
Things begin to change when he befriends a Bruce Lee worshipping rickshaw puller, whom he calls rickshaw walla. After meeting him he wins the lottery ticket starts there projectile journey from the world of reality to world of delusions. With Gandu getting introduced to smack the story unravels the battle between hallucinations and reality. (For what it unravels you have to see the movie. For its reflection on our lives read below)
Though the film talks of a guy whose lifestyle doesn’t resembles ours’ but it clearly shows a Gandu that’s hidden within us. That tries to escape the reality and happily live in a world which appears much more sombre. It talks of a man who cannot differentiate between realities from dream. The illusion of being developed and culturally strong is so deep rooted that we fail to recognise the deep fitted flaws of the society that we live in. The film beautifully talks of world that exists within all of us and yet we fail to recognise it. I just wish the revolution in Indian cinema starts now!

Lessons learnt in small packets

At times there are few questions that no matter how crucial find no place in the world may be because we have no answer to them or maybe we to flatter our ease a bit more we tend to neglect them and prefer not to rattle our brains. But somehow these questions have affected me today and provoked me to write this piece which is nothing more than vague thoughts but it might affect if not all but a few.
Standing and struggling for foot space in an overloaded Haryana roadways bus is never a fun ride but nonetheless it’s the best board to unravel the myths and complexities of life and values. As the canvas the board presents has shades from different pockets of lifestyles. Standing on one corner of the bus struggling hard to protect my feet from constant stamping by people who are either in a hush to take a seat (despite the bus being full!!! May be they feel safe standing in the middle of the bus...) or in a rush to jump out of the bus and at the same time balancing the bag tucked on my shoulder full of heavy notes I was just waiting for someone to get down at every station the bus stopped. Disappointed at my guesses of who would leave the bus where I stood still at one corner back to what I was struggling for. When suddenly, I noticed a little movement on a seat right under my nose and saw an old sardarji picking up his cloth bag. I made my calculations fast and a sudden adrenaline rush told me that yes I had to hurry and take that seat before the guy standing next to it leaps upon it. And whoa the movement sardarji vacated it I grabbed it at a speed which would put spider man to shame. Happily nested in the seat and adjusting my side bag and making some room for my leg I realised that an old lady was also expecting to grab the seat and had just come there a minute later than me. Undoubtedly I was greedy for the seat, but my inner self had the dignity and wisdom to stand up and offer the seat to the old lady and get myself back to struggling position and as to every courteous person’s expectations I did that. Not that this had happened for the first time with me I have been offering seats to old people, mothers protecting a life in their womb and even men with fractured legs...but this time it was something different that somehow rattled my brains and my heart. The lady sat and offered to share the seat with me (an advantage of being petite I believe) but at the same time she expressed her angst at people sitting comfortably and not offering a seat to a 70 year old lady despite her asking for one. Her anger reflected the much boasted about Indian value system. Not that I am challenging it but it forced me to think for sometime what are these Indian value systems that we talk about? Reminds me of what the much critiqued Arundhati Roy said in one of her meetings ‘Indian values are strange people can piss in public but they cannot kiss in public’. Maybe an over exaggerated view but when pondered isn’t it true? Our Indian value system prohibits lot of things in our lifestyle from publicly displaying your love, live in relations, premarital sex to wearing short dresses to arguing with parents everything is obscene and unacceptable. Recently I have seen people trashing their love lives in order to fulfil their parents’ desire who are much concerned about their social status. Most of our decisions are so governed by the society; no wonder man is a social animal. But I find it strange how our happiness is governed by the rules of society. Our decision of good and bad is based on what society would think. And strangely when it comes to actually doing something for society we turn selfish. No one volunteering to offer a seat to an elderly person is a very trivial issue but strongly reflects the hollowness existing in our value system, which is highly pseudo in nature.

It’s gone too far
It’s gone far away
It’s hard to now find it in the fray
The tussle that is on between the sense and what has been tagged as the nonsense
Hopes have clashed and now they lay lashed...
Lashed by the power of time,
Wings of dream, broken by the force, so divine and predestined.
But the soul still betrays the mind because still there might be something that has to be beat the divine and the time.

Change is constant + time keeps changing= time is constant???

The whole world is today obsessed with the Ayodhya Verdict. News channels have been hogging at the doors of the court and the citizens have been glued to their TV sets eager to know who will walk with the cake. Be it the babus in the office of or the workers in the chai wala shop the only topic being discussed for past a week has been ‘what verdict would court give’ amidst all this cacophony and social drama one thing that emerges out is a very old lesson that ma told me once while watching Mahabharata and combing my hair. Though I faintly remember how the episode began but I clearly remember a statement being made with a chakra constantly moving and saying ‘Mein Samay Hoon’ (I am time). I being a kid innocently had asked Ma what is samay? Her answer I faintly remember but the crux of what she explained is still hidden somewhere after all these years. ‘Samay’ (time0 she explained is something that keeps moving and changing.
I never agreed to it in school because I had the same school and same teachers and same maths till I forgot that lesson (which by the way I very quickly did may be a week of its survival would be an exaggeration of samay) but understood its value as I grew up and there is lot hidden behind this simple line that, ‘time keeps changing’. Today when the verdict came out it was this simple line, hinted to me years back that kept tickling my thoughts, provoking me to write this little note which is just an outpour of my brain’s thoughts and nothing more than that until you understand the meaning behind it.
The verdict today reinstated my belief in a statement which we often use and has been fed into my mind by my loved ones time and again, that only ‘one thing is constant and that is change’ and ‘it’s time that keeps changing’. So I say that time despite changing remains constant and again and again even after ages’ time has proven that things come back in cycle. There was a time when god was one and divisions on name of gods didn’t prevail and its time again that despite the division religions will come together and pray at the same locale. The locale which has taken lives of many and has led to humongous communal violence today stands as a marker of unity of the two religions. I don’t know what to call it a change (which it obviously is) or a phenomenon which ‘samay’ has been demonstrating since ages. Whatever it is today it stands as a marker of the peace and sanctity that the land owed to its people since ages. The dharma yudh which was never one but yet tagged as one has finally ended (hopefully) bringing in peace hopefully. Every present should listen to this story so that they are prepared for the future and know the righteous way of leading in future after all ‘samay’ has noted it all.

STUDENTS IN DELHI GO ON A CLEANLINESS DRIVE TO MAKE DELHI CLEAN FOR CWG

A group of students mainly from Jamia Millia Islamia University took the task of cleaning Delhi on themselves after a disappointing show put up by the government. With almost everything falling out of place in the upcoming Common Wealth Games the students with a motto that its time that ‘the nobody’ (common man) join hand and make some difference. The students cleaned up the ‘New Friends colony market’ today (Sunday, 26 September 2010). The market is the nearest commercial hub of the Jamia Stadium where the practice matches would be held for the games and is visited by many foreign visitors daily.
“This initiative of ours is a very small step but hopefully it would leave a large impact and help in ending the negativism about the games and also inspire other people to come forward and support the games,” said Shivani Sharma, a student.
The games have been a boon for the sportsman in India and should not be let down was a clear message that the students aimed to convey through this drive.
“This is one of the biggest sports event India is witnessing since 1982 Asian games and the way it has been tainted really pinches a sports person. We hope that we are able to convince people to make India the best host and persuade them to keep the city clean as cleanliness has been the biggest complaint after the security concern,” said Yamini Singh, a national level shooter in Jamia.
Students not only cleaned the area but also educated the shopkeepers and the local vendors who also seemed to have been influenced by the gesture and vowed to keep the place clean. The success of the event was established when the local people roaming in the market volunteered to join in the cleanliness drive and extended their support boosting the morale of the students. Interestingly who also came forward to extend their help were the city street children whom the govt. has decided to box up and dislocate for the games.
“The step that the students have taken is really admirable and we hope it sends a word to the world that Indians are not that bad a host as they are perceived to be and every citizen does his/ her bid to keep the city clean,” said Kaif , a volunteer who joined in.
Students also appealed to the authorities through media that the local street vendors should not be relocated as they form the nerves of an Indian market and the success of the games cannot be determined through downsizing the business of these local vendors.
They also pressed that this is NOT in support of the corrupt politicians, but a plea to do something rather than just sitting back and criticizing everything that’s going wrong. Something's have slipped out of our hands; other things can still be taken care of.

My hunt for happiness

I don’t know why I was born probably because it was destined and to go logically and in a crude way I was a product of the moment when my parents wanted to give flesh and bone to their love. Emotions undoubtedly developed later but these emotions made me a slave of happiness.
Happiness what it means and how it feels is difficult to be put in words. My definition has changed with each passing day.
One particular day I would be happy because I got a new dress and the other day a glass of mango shake could bring me happiness. In my childhood days I have faint memories that mothers return from office would make me happy. Because I knew she would get something to eat though no one can get the slightest hint looking at me that I can hog on food. Actually at times just eating a sumptuous meal can make me happy.
Thinking deeply I know one thing for sure that it was not just food but the comfort of being in my mother’s arms like any other kid after a daylong separation was a reason enough to bring the smile. But then I don’t understand the same hug irritates me today. I would run into her arms when I was young provided she didn’t call me when I was busy playing with my friends. But today the same tone irritates me. I guess this is how things that get make you happy change.
I don’t know why every single thing that makes you happy one day can irritate you after few days. A new dress, owning which makes me happy but the very next moment its misfit brings in all the gloom. A new job for that matter is a celebration time and a reason to be happy but not even a week passes and I go wild cribbing about the work pressure and the monstrous boss. There is something that is incomplete in every happy moment. And there is something fulfilling in every moment.
A good chat with friends and a simple golgappe can at times be so fulfilling. But the very next moment it can be all vain and gone. I have heard people saying that love brings in happiness I wouldn’t oppose it does and undoubtedly it has whether this love is in any form mother, sister, friends or partner. They all have brought in moments of happiness, yes the word is moment. Why if happiness is such a good thing why can’t it be constant? Why does happiness come in packets? Why everyone wants to be happy? Stupid questions!!! who thinks of them but at times just being stupid also makes you happy. Strange but true!!!
I don’t why but for a matter of fact I know one thing my search for happiness is incomplete without sadness. I think they both co-exist. Like the two tracks of the train that move together but they don’t meet!!! (Okay I know this dialogue is taken from some flop Hindi movie but it’s true! Isn’t it?) But in whole true sense I would have never understood the warmth of the mother’s hug had I not been away from her the whole day. I would have never valued my partner had I not fought with him and had spent moments in loneliness. I would have never been happy with a dress had I not been collecting money for one from my pocket money. A simple evening with friends would not have given me such pleasure had I not spent my evenings in the company of the unwanted work or beings.
My hunt for happiness will continue. The purpose for which is a mystery and a lifetime would be too short to unravel it. But I know that these emotions are to make one happy and happiness is incomplete without sadness. So, enjoy sadness and be happy.

I Know the Loss

Dear Dream
I don't know whether dream would ever read this... whether dream would ever know what it feels...but this would be an immortal piece that would stay till I survive.....for the pain of losing a dream is something that a dreamer only knows.
The dream can never realize the pain of its absence, neither the joy of its presence. But those who have lived the dream know what difference that dream makes in their life. How special life becomes with that dream and how doomed you are once the dream leaves you. For every dreamer there is a special dream. A dream that does come true...but when you wake up its gone...gone into its own land...leaving you the moment you open your eyes....never to return back to live with you in your eyes...but just leave an immortal impression in your heart, because its just you (the dreamer) who knows how precious that dream was for you. Dream always has another eye to seep into, but once the dream is lived dreamer doesn't have another dream to seep into. All that is left is an long wait....with just one dream in eye that the dream would return....it has to return.... because its my dream....I hope the dream return and tell me how it feels.